I can cross an ocean, but wont eat across the street.

Have you ever treated a location/business as an unlocked zone/out of bounds? Why is that?

This question became my Mental Play-Dough for the day.

“It's called ‘Jazz at the Lincoln’ inside of the Columbus Circle buildings. In the mall”said my good friend and former suite-mate.

I remember my bewilderment. "First off… it is a mall?!" I remember this conversation every time I pass by Columbus Circle. I was in my early 20s and just now discovered that the buildings I saw my entire life were not merely just residential/office buildings. There was a mall... and a theater!

Why is that? Why did I feel as if I could not go to these places? What were the perceived and actual barriers?

Is it a first generation thing?

Is it a socio-economic thing?

Is it a New Yorker thing?

Perhaps it's a first generation thing. Maybe I felt safe only going to where I knew my family and friends went. I'm sure I know quite a few establishments people would instantly list on a “Top 10 Hole in The Wall Establishments in Harlem”. Then I think of my suite-mate who showed me the picture of the theater with a background window-view of Central Park’s SouthWest Gate. I reached out and learned that he used to work for a company that was a client of this space. He never knew it existed before then. He has not been back since he was there for work reasons. I asked if he has ever recommended this space to people like us (first generation American - Latinos), and he replied “Nope. Never been back. I just know it's there. It's been over a decade since I've been there.” It is possible that a factor of this non-recommendation is tied to being a first generation American.

Being a first generation Dominican American, also means that I am a last generation Dominican-Dominican. The color-ism in Dominican culture, is shown in all of types of Latino cultures. It is vast and very apparent once you are aware. Our reporters, anchors, celebrities, politicians and notable figures are all light skinned. Perhaps this awareness blocked out that area for me. I am pretty white, but not that white.

Maybe it is a Socio-Economic thing. Perhaps the cost of living in that zip code was intimidating. I don't know how much a bottle of water goes for in that area, but I am positive I may consider it an unreasonable price. Yet, I do not know for sure. Water there may be $1.50. I thought of several instances of locations/areas which had similar effects on me and none of them brought this point home more than my home. My home area. I could describe the layout of establishments in the area I was raised in, in the late 90s: the candy shop, the barbershop, the bodegas, the pizzerias, the movie theater on 107th, and more. I have been inside all of them. I saw people like me or one of my friends inside of there, too.

After the year 2003-ish this entire area was revamped through gentrification. Business owners began to be more white. I remember being a young 7-8 year old child in ’99 feeling astounded at the site of a white person in my neighborhood. Imagine my amazement as an 11-12 year old sightseeing buses full of white people being shuttled through the neighborhood and stopped in front of the St. John's Cathedral.

I remember feeling like I was a zebra in a Safari. I imagined what could be said in those buses by the guides

“...And if you look on the left, there are a bunch of Latino and black kids… probably going to the store to buy some Arizona juices”.

I wrote this on facebook years ago, and was surprised by the amount of people who not only agreed with me, but added on what they imagined the guides may have been saying. People go to safaris to observe animals in their natural habitat, but ultimately, want to see the lioness take down prey. Why did they come here sitting on the top deck of this sightseeing bus? To observe us in our natural habitat, but ultimately, wanting to witness a crime? Either way, soon after the sightseeing busses became a normal sight to see, the neighborhood establishments continued to reflect the growing number of well-off, white Americans. I have not explored even half of the establishments erected over the years. Bars and restaurants that might as well be on the other side of New York City because it never felt like it was built for me. Maybe not going was a self inflicted wound. Perhaps I picked a scab to see if it still bleeds. I will say this though... none of my friends really go to these places either.

Maybe it is a New Yorker thing. We are aware of which places are for tourists, and we avoid them if we can. We know which streets have the most rats, which streets have the most trash, which ones are usually safer and which train cars to get on to disembark right in front of the exit to be ahead of the pack. Most New Yorkers I know do not travel to Time Square as a destination unless they are going to a Broadway Play or something. Perhaps that mall is only visited by tourists and all of us in New York avoid it. Maybe it is not as simple as it sounds, maybe it is!

I know that living in other places such as Fukuoka, Japan... being somewhere new and exciting motivated me to explore everywhere. There were some perceived bounds (such as my level of Japanese) but not nearly as many. It helped me make the best of it. It felt good to eat at restaurants near my home in Japan. It motivated me to go to places near my home upon arrival. Still, it is challenging sometimes. Why?

I think about these three separate factors relative to the experiences of myself and others to learn about perceived barriers to our inclusion in spaces. Hopefully, these thoughts can be useful to create a safe space for others to speak on their experiences. There are ways to bridge the gaps. There are things to think about… and this is my Mental Play-Dough. Random things on how we perceive ourselves and each other and the spaces we occupy. It is important to identify these factors. These conversations can have an abundant influence on how we engage with others in and outside of our communities and hopefully, create new ones.

I can make a claim before concluding: Every first generation American from New York City has an uncle who arrived in New York and has never left the tri-state area unless they're going to visit the home country. I have an uncle who has never seen a palm tree in the United States. Imagine how we would feel to discover a place that reminded him of home. Why does he not go? Is this mental block even heavier on immigrants? Is it an Immigrants in New York thing? Is it a socio-economic thing? This is a topic to explore.

Please comment of your thoughts on this. Your experiences. Your questions.

This is a safe space.

Let's Learn Together.